Counting Your Wins:
One of the things I often notice when working with clients is that it’s not easy for some of them to see how much they changed.
I found it a very interesting phenomenon at first, because a lot of them changed quite a lot, and healed a lot of things, but they couldn’t see it.
I then point out to them something like: “But hey, what about X Y Z changes you’ve made, and these things we worked on, how’s that going?”
And they say – “Oh wow! I forgot about that!!! right,,, I have changed! These things aren’t an issue anymore!”, suddenly they notice the wins they’ve had, and that feels good.
Why is it that it’s hard for them to recognize the changes they’re making?
I think there are 2 reasons.
Reason One is that the judge and other characters, by sheer conditioning and habit, tend to turn our attention to focus on what’s missing\what’s not enough\what’s wrong, and therefore, our focus is solely on the “next problem” rather than on recognizing how well we are already doing in so many places in our lives (and if we really look at it, there is a lot of places where we really have our shit together quite well).
It’s also a society conditioning kind of thing, where our society focuses on what needs to be fixed, what the problem is that needs solving, and doesn’t tend to celebrate and talk too much about what’s done well, about our strengths and what’s already going well.
Most company cultures and news stations are good examples of that dynamic.
I remember at high school, how I would sometimes feel frustrated by a 97 or 98, I would automatically overlook all that I did SO WELL, and my mind will focus on that ONE mistake I’ve made, and be bummed by it, because it’s been conditioned to focus on the “wrong”.
Another reason we often don’t notice I think, is because once something that bothered us is resolved, we just don’t think about it anymore, and weirdly enough, we simply forget.
Have you ever had a toothache or some body part ache that really bothered you for a few days?
Then maybe you told it to some people, a few days more pass and someone asks you something like: “How’s the pain you have been feeling? How’s it going with that?”,
Then you suddenly realize that pain disappeared without you even noticing and you say: “Oh wow! I completely forgot about that! I didn’t even notice it went away!!”.
It’s kind of like that with healing and resolving some of our traumas and issues, it’s like when we heal something, it was never there in the first place, it never belonged to us, and we may completely forget about how much we struggled with that issue because it’s just gone!
Counting your wins can make a big difference, you will start to see how far you’ve come, you will build faith in the process and that the process works, and confidence that you can change.
This is huge. Really huge.
It sounds paradoxical, but the more confidence you have that you can change, the more likely you are to change, because what you believe becomes true.
A win doesn’t have to be something extraordinary like our judge will make us think to believe.
Meditating or journaling every day is a win. Doing something nice for ourselves is a win.
Refraining from pleasing or reacting with anger ONE LESS time than we are used to doing is a great win, it’s one time less than usual, and that means it’s better than before. Next time maybe we can do 2 times less.
These are all valuable moments that build up for huge, significant changes over time. They matter, and they make a difference.
So count your wins, people, it’s really rewarding and also fun! It feels good, and this is a lot of what this work is about.
When we think of how much more we can grow, it can feel exciting, but sometimes overwhelming and defeating, especially when the judge comes in.
When we look back at how far we’ve come – that feels empowering, that feels good, it’s an amazing and incredibly rewarding feeling to acknowledge.
It’s not to say seeing how much we have to grow is bad, it’s really good and healthy.
But let’s also acknowledge that we have already come really far, and that is freaking great, and may I say: Awesome.
I hope this helps🙏.
Counting wins – a powerful medicine.
In LovingKindness, Daniel❤️.
